It.

Ha!  See?  I warned you I might not keep up with this blog thing.  And here it is, over a month before you have heard a peep from me.  That's really the way to maintain an audience.

Why have I remained mute?  Several reasons.  Probably top most is that I don't really know what I'm doing here.  I feel like I should have a PLAN, a THEME.  But plans and themes restrict me, and I quit them.  But still, I feel like I should.  And the thought that I should have one also restricts me.  Yes, I really am a nutcase.

I suppose that I'll just give it time, and let whatever arises arise.  I suppose my useless babbling will be what you will receive, and hopefully it will be amusing or entertaining or thought provoking.  And perhaps eventually some cohesive thought will form, which will evolve into a theme.  And perhaps not.  Perhaps the theme is just My Life, and I need to feel that that is good enough.

But that, of course, is just it.  Is My Life good enough?  As of late, I have realized that I've been struggling against myself, and against my life.  Stress, baby, stress. This has added, I think, to my recently diagnosed borderline hypertension.  I have pills and everything.  At age 31.  Its crazy.  I know I really need to figure out Whatever It Is that I'm supposed to figure out.

I feel like the blood pressure issue is a flag, saying, hey you aren't getting It!  Things are beginning to get worse!  Wake up!

I've been working really hard lately, trying to come to grips with the blocks that I have in my life.  Usually, I tend to learn from things and grow pretty easily.  But there are a few areas where I ride the Short Bus.  The big ones are romantic relationships and my body.  I know that the two are interconnected.  I'm perpetually single, and perpetually overweight.  And I feel like the two are connected, because it is pretty easy for me to lose weight when I'm in a relationship.

So I've been thinking and thinking.  And thinking.  And digging, and lots of other things that end in -ing.   And then I got it.  It! 

At least, I think I got It.

But It will have to wait.  Until next time...